I got my haircut before I came into work this morning. I really love my hair stylist; I've been with her about 9 months. I was happy to come in mid-morning when it was quiet enough in the shop to actually talk to one another. She is a middle-aged immigant from El Salvador who has been here almost 20 years. She's raising her 11-year-old grandson because her daughter and son-in-law went through a very nasty divorce when he was only 2 months old. She's doing one hell of a job with that kid. He sounds absolutely precious and sweet. Apparently last summer (at 10), he asked her to help him get the forms straight so he could start working, so she wouldn't have to work so hard. Aww! (Obviously she didn't help him with that.)
Today we were talking about the education system in El Salvador. Women are pretty much forced out if they get married or have a serious relationship. They are flat out forbidden if they get knocked up. Sickening. She finished her education after she and her daughter came here.
Conversation shifted to birth control and sex education in El Salvador. She said women used to get pregnant because they were ignorant of how it happened, now there is education, as well as readily available abortions. If a woman is raped and gets pregnant, she doesn't have to keep the baby. She didn't have that option when she was raped.
Oh.
I tried to make some sympathetic sounds that could be heard over the hair dryer, but what do you say?
She went on. She had been living with her sister and her brother-in-law and their children. He raped her. She ran away to her aunt's, but her aunt and her mother made her go back. She had the baby, a girl, and raised it in the household with her sister, her neices and nephews, and the man who raped her. Neither her sister nor her daughter ever knew.
Her brother-in-law was killed in a street fight.
She didn't look remotely satisfied by that ending.
She told me that she didn't talk about this to anyone for so long. She didn't have any more children, although she is married. Her husband sounds amazing, as well. Recently her grandson has been having some emotional and behavior trouble because of his unusual family situation. Both of them have seen a psychologist and she feels better about herself than she has in a very long time.
And then she turned off the hairdryer and said, "Oh, that does look nice. You were right about adding more layers!"
I had absolutely nothing to say. Nothing. So I said thanks and gave her a big tip, requesting that she take her grandson for ice cream at the homemade ice cream shop down the street.
UPDATE: I only just realized, about five and a half hours after the fact, that perhaps I should have been concerned that someone with scissors pointed at my head was talking about something so personally upsetting to her. It's a delicate balance between selflessness and self-preservation for me!
Thusly, I feel like I may need a pedicure next week so I can check in on Angelica's emotional state.
Heartwrenching. And these are the people we’re trying to build a big fence around our country to keep out.
That’s what pisses me off so much about the abortion law in South Dakota - no exception for rape or incest…and they keep trying to eliminate all sex education, too. We talk about how enlightened we are compared to the 3rd world, and then we try to force attitudes and practices about sex & sexuality to the same place, while refusing those who need refuge a home.
Ummm….and that would be awkward. I wouldn’t know what to say, either. Do you have pictures of your new pretty hair?
Amy, exactly, I thought the conversation might go toward what the hell is up with America thinking we can teach strict abstinence in school. I mean, she’s got the 11-year-old with the girlfriend (adorable!). But, well, no, it didn’t go that way.
No pictures of my hair.
There will be gym and shower before I see my camera, and lord knows I can’t style it all pretty and fluffy myself. I wash it. Sometimes I brush it. That’s really all I got.
I’m pretty good at washing my hair now, and I manage to brush okay, but that’s about as far as I get in the styling world, too - so I understand.